Saturday 30 August 2014

Surrogacy! Should we? or Shouldn't we?

It seems most of my great conversations are at the pub - just like this idea. A friend of mine Ms E, told us a story of her cousin doing surrogacy. Surrogacy - Whats that????? so I went home that afternoon and researched and researched. Ms E suggested we meet her cousin and the family her cousin helped out through surrogacy. WOW - the children were just gorgeous, their dads were happy. For them Surrogacy was going to be the only way they could have children of their own. The dads could not speak highly enough of a clinic called SCI - bonus its in India. Sam and I spoke about this concept at length, was it for us? What are the ethical issues? What we did know is this " It takes a village to raise a child" in our case our village extended to india! Mother India - in more ways than one!

Were we desperate - Yes!
Were we vulnerable - Yes!

We probably would have given our right arm to have kids in our house. We kept surrogacy a secret for many months, we wanted to find out more for ourselves and be educated as much as we could on the topic before informing the world. Our parents of course knew, and were extremely supportive. I think we love them more and more for being so understanding and encouraging.

A few months later Sam and I found ourselves on the plane to Delhi to commence this amazing and sacred journey.

Scared - YES!
Excited - YES!
Convinced it will work first time = YES!!!

Imagining we were going to be holding our child within 9 months - the very same year, we had butterflies in our tummies. Egg collection again (my wonderful husband took me to Goa to recover). 2 weeks later back in Perth - waiting for that very special email - unfortunately it didn't work. TEARS!

Well if my eggs don't work in me and they don't work in another woman who has carried children before then what hope is there?

SCI to the rescue. Send us the Donors please! 100 profiles sent through, very strange process to select the egg donor for the creation of your child. 4 tries later, unfortunately it didn't work. Dr S at the clinic was so very surprised and shocked. Dr S showed us nothing but support and encouragement. Dr S is a Mother. Dr S knows the desire, the longing for children and we are so grateful for the compassion she showed us. Dr S found a great niche in the market and she makes the impossible, possible. We have seen it with our own eyes, and held those babies born through surrogacy. Complete JOY!!!

In our break between surrogacy and all things 'clean eating and clean living" we miraculously fell pregnant. WHAT??? HOW???

I knew for about 5 days that I was pregnant - "mothers instinct". I was too scared to take a test to see again a negative result. I fought with myself for a week and then eventually on a friday afternoon in August 2013, I did the test. I went to my mums house to replenish her fridge as she was coming home from holidays. did the test there, POSITIVE!

I cried and cried tears of joy - actually I howled on the steps holding the positive test. I rang my husband asked that he come home from work- lucky he was already at home. I said I'm on my way. He seriously thought I had an accident. I was crying when I came into the house, ran upstairs - hyperventilating, couldn't get the words out, I showed him the stick. POSITIVE STICK (We have never seen one of these before) shaking, smiling, more crying we held each other tight. We were about to go on holiday the next day to Goa for my husbands birthday holiday (fun expensive trips you can do when you don't have children, doesn't take the pain away, but at least we made the most of it) all the exciting things we had planned in Goa - motor bike riding, rafting, hiking were all taken off the holiday schedule and I was wrapped in 'cotton wool'. Hey we were in Goa - I didn't complain - I had massages, fruit cocktails, sat by the pool all day. When we got back home after an amazing holiday, I miscarried on no less than Father's day 2013. Of all the days to miscarry, it was just horrible. 7wks 5ds. To tell your husband, who was so excited to become a Dad, that it wasn't happening.  It was a joyous 7.5wks. I could really feel being pregnant. Tired, and I mean I just wanted to sleep all day. Taking a shower was exhausting. I started getting fat, yep - I had a tummy. (most people who have met me know I don't have much meat on me, so there was definitely no chance I could have kept this a secret for the usual ' 12wks) We just didn't think things could get worse for us on this journey. But I had hope, if it happened once, it will happen again! To this day I have kept the Positive stick test - its a reminder to me that miracles do happen and that it will happen again.

2014, a new year, new beginings. we took a different tack - we told people we were doing surrogacy. The response was AMAZING! Very positive, very encouraging, not one negative comment (well not to our face). My Grandparents were singing from the rafters. They immediately said what a wonderful thing to do to help others. Yes we didn't feel it was just for us, knowing that another family would benefit is a great feeling.

Mothers have strength and courage for their children every day. I knew I was a mother. I knew every day I was a mother, just no children to hold in my arms. Perhaps thats why I had the strength and courage to face the negative, pick myself up, console my husband and keep going. New donor profiles sent again, egg collection done and now the 2 week wait!


1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing this information. I bookmarked your post. One of my friend doing the same business i will forward your link to him here also i found another website on surrogacy clinic india and ivf hospital india on the same.

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