Week 10: T-minus 14 days away from announcing to the world

10 weeks. We are 2 weeks away from announcing to the world! another 2 week wait! this journey has a lot of counting and waiting. (Most definitely worth the wait)

I was able to celebrate 10 weeks with two of my very dear friends Ms T and Ms M. We celebrated with champagne of course, and as a treat french cuisine, while the husbands stayed at home and played xbox and ate steak.  Our samosa babies now look like jelly babies. I never thought a photo like this would look so beautiful. More tears of joy.

Now to the fun part - have recruited Ms T & Ms M as the baby shower planners. I figured that Im having twins, therefore I need 2 party planners.

The report from Dr J, this week describes "two well-defined gestational sacs containing live fetus (HR - 152 ; HR - 158 Bpm) The yolk sacks are normal.... corresponds to 9 weeks 6 days. 

Week 8: Let's celebrate

I was having coffee in Napoleon St Cottesloe and thought Id go check out the baby shop. I walked in and it was nice, beautiful clothes, toys, wraps everything you would need to clothe your beautiful child. I got to the back of the store and broke down in tears. I quickly ran out - went home and poured a glass of wine. The emotion was too much. I was in the store and buying for ME. Yes thats right ME!! I've been into baby stores several times to buy for friends. I like to buy clothes, wraps, creams, shampoo etc for friends that are having babies. But to be on the other side and buy for me, this I knew was a moment to cherish. I'm glad I didn't buy anything that day, I'm glad that I was emotional. I'm cherishing each and every moment, of this pregnancy with the utmost care and awareness.

So, my husband Sam and I decided that in celebration of the 8 week scan we would go choose the twins outfits together. I couldn't wait for this day to come fast enough. We went back to the store on Napoleon St. Having my husband with me, I felt more relaxed and ready to purchase our babies clothes without breaking down in tears of joy. We spoke to the owner of the shop Ms K and her daughter Ms A.  We told them we were doing surrogacy and that we were expecting twins. oh the joy on their face. complete strangers and they were happy for us (either that or they were happy for double purchases, I like to think it was the first emotion). We said that the twins are fraternal (not identical) we could have 2 boys, 2 girls or 1 boy & 1 girl. We also needed to choose non gender specific clothes. In India it is against the law for doctors to disclose the gender of a growing baby - (to prevent female foeticide) this also goes for international intended parents commonly known as (IP's) undergoing surrogacy.


Sam was amazing! the care and attention he made to selecting the perfect outfits was beautiful to see. A moment I will forever cherish and remember.  We came home with beanies (its going to be very cold in Delhi when we pick them up), booties, and 2 sets of onsies. tiny tiny onsies with pictures of cherubs. My angel cherubs.

Our report from Dr J, showed "two well-defined gestational sacs containing live foetus (HR 164; 168 Bpm) the yolk sacs are normal......corresponds to 8 weeks 1 day" 

Week 6: Lub dub lub dub x 2

What an amazing 30 days its been since arriving in India,  creating life with science and a lot of faith. I think we got so use to receiving negative results that to finally have a positive feels utterly surreal.

BUT ITS TRUE. lub-dub lub-dub as I imagine hearing their little heart beats. The most awaited confirmation. Actually I think every confirmation is the most awaited on this journey.  We are pleased to receive the announcement and confirmation of 2 heart beats lub-dub lub-dub. 

Our report from Dr J, described the following:

The image shows 2 well-defined (my favourite word right now) gestational sacs containing live embryos ( HR-122;128 Bmp) The yolk sacs are normal. corresponding to 5 weeks, 5 days. 

June 16th 2014: Colours of the rainbow

June 16th 2014 - the most colourful (yes colours of the rainbow) and wonderful email arrived.

WE ARE OFFICIALLY PREGNANT!

Tears of joy, a weight lifted off our shoulders, its finally happening for us.

Panic started to creep in... what if our surrogate miscarries? what if it isn't real and just a dream, what if its a chemical pregnancy, what if they sent the email to the wrong person (why I ever thought this I'm not sure, we have found SCI to be very careful and send out accurate information always)

Dear Jessica & Samvid,

cOnGrAtULaTiOnS...!!!

We would like to inform you that as per our schedule we have done the Beta HCG test for  Ms U
We are happy to inform you that her beta value is 408.22, which is very good.

Please find the attached file for the same.
We would like to congratulate you as you are pregnant now.

We will now do a USG scan for her within 1 week to check the pregnancy sacs.

Once her scan will be done, we will get back to you at the earliest.

SCI wishing you good luck for this beautiful journey ahead.

And I thought the first "2 week wait" was the hardest. WRONG! the 2 week wait to see the first scan and have confirmation of a heart beat is the hardest! The end of June finally arrived with the 1st of many ultrasound images that will flood our inbox. The image below shows two well-defined gestational sacs - corresponding to 4 weeks and 2 days.

This was the most amazing evening we had, celebrated with champagne and dinner with family.

2 well-defined sacs. ( I like the sound of 'well-defined'). TWINS! we could not be happier. Now to keep it a secret until 12 wk scan confirmation - ha ha Good luck to us.

We are parents to the furry four legged kind

We are thrilled to announce the arrival of Google Valentine Patil - born February 14th 2012.

We always wanted a dog, from the moment we met each other this was the deal. Should we fall in love and get married we would have a dog.

Neither of us had a dog growing up and we had been talking about a dog from our living in New York days. (2008-2009) We use to go to the dog park and watch the dogs play and work out which type of dog would be best suited to us.

In the middle of IVF, for each negative we purchased a present for ourselves. Google was one of these gifts. Google is the light of our world. For something so small he brings us endless joy. He has shown us how to be patient and to keep learning and keep trying. I think the photos of Google tell the story of how much he means to us.

We give thanks

I would like to thank some very dear friends who have been so supportive over the past few years, in ways that have resonated with us and that we'll never forget. (apologies for not mentioning all of you, the list is too great - approximately 100 friends  and double with family by our calculations - but don't worry we will be celebrating and publicly recognising your support with you soon)

My dear friend Ms T was amazing. She fell pregnant whilst we were trying, and for her to be so understanding, so supportive, and encouraging was just beautiful. Ms T included me in her pregnancy, kept me up to date, scans, shopping etc. She even let me plan her baby shower. It was a wonderful experience and a time I will always remember. Ms T didn't find it hard to find the words to say, she cried with me, laughed with me in my crazy 2 week wait programs, she was just simply there. I will always feel a special bond with Ms T and her beautiful daughter Miss O.

The triple M's: Mr M, Ms M and Miss M. What a beautiful family and more so with the special edition of Miss E, who arrived into this wonderful world in August 2014. The compassion that you have showed us and encouraging our friendship to grow stronger and stronger week by week you have made our transition to Perth more positive in as much that we couldn't think of living anywhere else.  Your daughter Miss M, is a credit to your parenting style-relaxed, fair and most importantly lots of fun. Miss M is a wonderful girl - polite, funny and very engaging. We love that over the past couple of years you have invited us to her birthday party, invited us to Miss M's dance recital, showed us Miss M's school report. Gave us a tour of her pre-kindy school and something that brought tears to my eyes, watching you both either side of her holding her hands as you walk up the road to her first day at school. (Big Girls School as Miss M likes to call it)

Aunty A, Doc and Mum - for helping me with the injections.  For having warm hands and keeping me distracted and being so gentle when putting in the needle in.

Cousin C once said in this process you really need to give each other a long - very long piece of string, this was the best advise I have ever received in this journey. The advise wasn't about clinics, or different methods or to relax, it was about your relationship with your partner.   To understand that each other wants the same result - baby. To become mum and dad. Such a natural process of life, yet for some of us its not so natural. That imaginary piece of string helped my husband and I to become closer throughout our journey to become parents. The piece of string has become shorter and shorter every day. (I must admit that sometimes it slacked, just a little) but today I can whole heartedly say its short and tight. Thanks to you cousin C! Again, this conversation was over a few cheeky bevies at the pub. Clearly for us the pub is where great ideas are created.

Our parents and family - of course this goes without saying. Both Sam and I are fortunate to have parents who have supported us all through out this journey. They have felt our pain every step of the way. We cry, they cry. For our parents to see their children going through this I think hurts them just as much. They long for us to experience what they had. They know children are a blessing. We can't thank our parents and family enough for all the love, support and encouragement they have given us.
The numerous amounts of chats, phone calls and Skype sessions have been filled with love, laughter, tears and lengthy discussions, without which we wouldn't have been where we are today. Mum, Aai and Baba - You have shown unconditional support and love.


WE GIVE THANKS TO YOU!

Surrogacy! Should we? or Shouldn't we?

It seems most of my great conversations are at the pub - just like this idea. A friend of mine Ms E, told us a story of her cousin doing surrogacy. Surrogacy - Whats that????? so I went home that afternoon and researched and researched. Ms E suggested we meet her cousin and the family her cousin helped out through surrogacy. WOW - the children were just gorgeous, their dads were happy. For them Surrogacy was going to be the only way they could have children of their own. The dads could not speak highly enough of a clinic called SCI - bonus its in India. Sam and I spoke about this concept at length, was it for us? What are the ethical issues? What we did know is this " It takes a village to raise a child" in our case our village extended to india! Mother India - in more ways than one!

Were we desperate - Yes!
Were we vulnerable - Yes!

We probably would have given our right arm to have kids in our house. We kept surrogacy a secret for many months, we wanted to find out more for ourselves and be educated as much as we could on the topic before informing the world. Our parents of course knew, and were extremely supportive. I think we love them more and more for being so understanding and encouraging.

A few months later Sam and I found ourselves on the plane to Delhi to commence this amazing and sacred journey.

Scared - YES!
Excited - YES!
Convinced it will work first time = YES!!!

Imagining we were going to be holding our child within 9 months - the very same year, we had butterflies in our tummies. Egg collection again (my wonderful husband took me to Goa to recover). 2 weeks later back in Perth - waiting for that very special email - unfortunately it didn't work. TEARS!

Well if my eggs don't work in me and they don't work in another woman who has carried children before then what hope is there?

SCI to the rescue. Send us the Donors please! 100 profiles sent through, very strange process to select the egg donor for the creation of your child. 4 tries later, unfortunately it didn't work. Dr S at the clinic was so very surprised and shocked. Dr S showed us nothing but support and encouragement. Dr S is a Mother. Dr S knows the desire, the longing for children and we are so grateful for the compassion she showed us. Dr S found a great niche in the market and she makes the impossible, possible. We have seen it with our own eyes, and held those babies born through surrogacy. Complete JOY!!!

In our break between surrogacy and all things 'clean eating and clean living" we miraculously fell pregnant. WHAT??? HOW???

I knew for about 5 days that I was pregnant - "mothers instinct". I was too scared to take a test to see again a negative result. I fought with myself for a week and then eventually on a friday afternoon in August 2013, I did the test. I went to my mums house to replenish her fridge as she was coming home from holidays. did the test there, POSITIVE!

I cried and cried tears of joy - actually I howled on the steps holding the positive test. I rang my husband asked that he come home from work- lucky he was already at home. I said I'm on my way. He seriously thought I had an accident. I was crying when I came into the house, ran upstairs - hyperventilating, couldn't get the words out, I showed him the stick. POSITIVE STICK (We have never seen one of these before) shaking, smiling, more crying we held each other tight. We were about to go on holiday the next day to Goa for my husbands birthday holiday (fun expensive trips you can do when you don't have children, doesn't take the pain away, but at least we made the most of it) all the exciting things we had planned in Goa - motor bike riding, rafting, hiking were all taken off the holiday schedule and I was wrapped in 'cotton wool'. Hey we were in Goa - I didn't complain - I had massages, fruit cocktails, sat by the pool all day. When we got back home after an amazing holiday, I miscarried on no less than Father's day 2013. Of all the days to miscarry, it was just horrible. 7wks 5ds. To tell your husband, who was so excited to become a Dad, that it wasn't happening.  It was a joyous 7.5wks. I could really feel being pregnant. Tired, and I mean I just wanted to sleep all day. Taking a shower was exhausting. I started getting fat, yep - I had a tummy. (most people who have met me know I don't have much meat on me, so there was definitely no chance I could have kept this a secret for the usual ' 12wks) We just didn't think things could get worse for us on this journey. But I had hope, if it happened once, it will happen again! To this day I have kept the Positive stick test - its a reminder to me that miracles do happen and that it will happen again.

2014, a new year, new beginings. we took a different tack - we told people we were doing surrogacy. The response was AMAZING! Very positive, very encouraging, not one negative comment (well not to our face). My Grandparents were singing from the rafters. They immediately said what a wonderful thing to do to help others. Yes we didn't feel it was just for us, knowing that another family would benefit is a great feeling.

Mothers have strength and courage for their children every day. I knew I was a mother. I knew every day I was a mother, just no children to hold in my arms. Perhaps thats why I had the strength and courage to face the negative, pick myself up, console my husband and keep going. New donor profiles sent again, egg collection done and now the 2 week wait!

Prelude

Our journey began approximately 4 years ago, in Sydney. 'Let's make a baby' conversation over a glass of wine, husband with a beer at our local bar. So we rushed home, to 'make a baby' thinking that it was that easy and in a few weeks we would be pregnant! Negative! So lets keep trying, a few months later each time negative. So at the recommendation of my beautiful cousin R (all names I'll refer to as a letter in my blog),  I downloaded this app to track cycles, moods, a bit like a Japanese cartoon game. It was fun, sweet and most off all got me in tune with my body. More months went by, and I purchased a pregnancy test every month, the ones you can test 4 days prior and all were Negative.

We started to do some tests to find out why. Tests came back positive, we should be falling pregnant. Why aren't we??? We moved to Perth in 2011 for work - family business. We transferred our notes from our clinic in Sydney to a clinic in Perth. (We were at the early stages, just the first initial tests)

More test results showed that I had one blocked fallopian tube and the other well lets just say it looks like a creek with rocks - big boulder rocks, but everything else perfect. A few weeks later I went into surgery to have my tubes cleared out. negative result. I cried in the recovery room. I seriously thought the doctor could just clear them out and bingo we could fall pregnant. Another road block.

So lets do IVF!

Great we had options, we have a plan. I like plans, I like to know where I'm going and what I'm doing and the what the result will be.

Egg collection day, I felt like my guts were hanging around my knee caps. OUCH! oh and the drugs, every couple of days breaking viels - and sometimes breaking the glass too. And then the injecting the drug into my body. My tummy was a blown up balloon with pin holes through it that just seemed to expand more and more.  The desire to have children and to create a family with my wonderful husband, I would take the needles every day if I had too. So 4 egg implantations later (1 at a time over a series of months) and nothing! The doctors didn't know why? All hormone levels perfect, cycle perfect, health and fitness level great. WHY???? I seriously thought it would work first time round and so did the nurses. they were in just as much shock.  Oh how deflated we were. (but not my tummy)

Between each cycle I tried new things, gluten free, diary free, alcohol free, in bed for 2 weeks. didn't hang out the washing and lift anything for 2 weeks.  (my husband thought I was a going to kill him with starvation and chores) all things natural. I even cleared out all the chemicals and purchased $700 worth of Enjo products. More exercise, less chemicals are not a bad thing, but the diary free and gluten free - now that was just 'taking the cake' and a bit over board. I was hungry all the time. give me a piece of bread and a coffee!!!! I lasted about 10 days on the gluten free diet. but we did manage to go 4 weeks no alcohol - "Dry July". I even did a 'nothing' over the "2 week wait". The result was still negative.


I had a glass of wine, ate normal food and went on holiday. Still negative!! I mentioned earlier the fun quirky cycle monitoring app my cousin R recommended got in me in tune with my body, well so did the IVF cycles and taking those drugs. Each time I injected hormones into me, I knew it was killing something inside. I knew the drugs weren't for me. Naturally my hormone levels were working, peaking at right times of the month etc, so why add more hormones? Perhaps in hindsight I should have asked my Doctor to try a round without the drugs.